Friday, 15 July 2011

First Blog

Right. Well. Ermm... first blog, struggling to find something to write about, really. Please bear in mind that this is my first, so you'll have to bear with me. Ooh, I know I'll write about things that annoy me, you have to start somewhere, right?

Anyway, things that annoy me, right, well, I'll start with my age. I'm sixteen, in case you didn't know, and this annoys me to no end because I feel mature enough to do everything an eighteen year old is allowed to do (drink, drive, vote, enter pubs, etc.) but everyone says "NO!! YOU MUST WAIT TWO MORE YEARS, YOUNG RAPSCALLION! YOU COULDN'T POSSIBLY HANDLE MODERATE AMOUNTS OF LAGER OR CONTROL ANY VEHICLE REGARDLESS OF SIZE OR WEIGHT!" And: "NO! YOU CAN'T COME IN HERE, YOU MIGHT STEAL THINGS AND STAB PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU'RE A TEENAGER, AND THAT'S WHAT TEENAGERS DO!!" Plus I can't browse in a shop for any longer than five minutes without somebody telling me to buy something or get out. If I was ten years older they might ask if I need any help. Alas, I am not, so they don't. Also, I can't walk down the street without someone shouting "GET YOUR FUCKING HAIR CUT YOU FUCKING PRATT!!" This doesn't bother me it just scares the crap out of me because its so unexpected. Fucking chavs.

There's a Machine Head concert in Birmingham in December. "Fantastic!" I should be thinking; "I'll see if I can afford tickets (HA!)" But no, that isn't what I'm thinking. I'm thinking "WHAT THE EVERLOVING PISS IS GOING ON HERE?!" I'm thinking this because the lineup includes the screamo non-metal band Bring Me the Horizon. Whose bright idea was this? It sure as shit wasn't Machine Head's. I've never heard of a metal band who actually likes Oli Sykes and his stupid face with his fucking ridiculous over tattoo'd body which he incessantly shows off to various magazine photographers. "Ooh! Look at me, I'm so edgy because I'm covered neck to cock in obscure tattoos which were not at all painful and I won't regret when I look fucking ridiculous at age 60." Fucking moron. And he will live to that age, because he's straight-edge. I was thinking I might go and just fuck off when BMTH come on and go back for Machine Head, but then I don't want to lose my place at the front. "Why don't you stay at the front for Darkest Hour and DevilDriver and go into the Machine Head mosh-pits?" I hear you ask. I don't tend to go into the pits, my inquisitive friend, because I'm not a huge fan of pain and I'm not old enough to pay through the nose for semi-pints of lager at the bar to block the pain, unlike quite a lot of my metalhead friends. Which is a pain in the arse, really, because I like circle pits, but I dont like the pain that comes with them and yes, there is always pain because some brick shithouse comes along and goes haywire just punching everything he sees. I pay £20+ for gig tickets sometimes and I don't want to go home afterwards looking like I've been hit by a goddamn freight train. My Dad won't let me go to many gigs if I come home from them like that. (What can I say? I'm sixteen.)

So there. That's it. First blog done. Rant over. No, it's not very long or very good, but they will get better, trust me.


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